Why does this always happen?

I'm starting to re-think my whole moving situation. I know I still want to go to Texas, but I'm not so sure I want to go to Colorado. I want to stay with Andi, but I want to see if things could possibly work with James. Maybe I should just come back home after I'm gone for a few months. Or maybe I should stop re-thinking every major decision in my life. I'm always second guessing myself and I hate it. I never know what is truly right for me. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever know. :/

Really?

We went over this in Hawaii. If you have something to say, or if something is bothering you, then just fucking say it. I don't care if you're not a confrontational person. I'm your best friend. You need to talk to me. I completely agree, we are getting distant, but you talking crap about me to our other friends isn't going to fix it. This is all on you. I said everything I needed to. Obviously, you haven't. I'm leaving soon, so you better get it out while I'm still here.

Rant over.

Senior Exit Interviews

...are tomorrow.
Normally, I'd be running around pissing my pants and biting my nails. I hate being put on the spot. Although, I don't feel like that anymore.

Maybe it's because of how much I've changed, and that's yet another part of me that's gone.
Or maybe because it'll be April 27th.

John's birthday.

I can never find the right words to express the thoughts running through my mind.


That absolutely kills me.

So,

I sent you the letter.

I probably shouldn't have, but I did. Honestly, I feel so much better. It's like every emotion I've been feeling these past few months was finally brought out into words. For the first time in my life, I was able to say exactly what I was feeling without worrying if someone would understand me or not. I know you will though. You always do.

I don't know if this is my first step towards moving on, or if it's some kind of weird subconscience thing.

All I know is, I want you to be happy.
I need you to be happy.
If that means I have to stand by and watch you be with another girl, then so be it.

She's gorgeous, understanding, and certainly a step up from me.
I want this to work out for you because when I know that you are truly happy, then I will be too.

Graduation is so soon.

I'm ready to get the hell out of here.
:D

Ugh.

My shoulder is still messing up. It doesn't really hurt anymore, but it still feels like it has to pop. :/

I never thought a Hannah Montanna song would describe my exact thoughts at this point in my life.

"And now I just don't know who I really am; how it's gonna be.
Is there something that I can't see?
I want to understand.

Maybe I will never be who I was before.
Maybe I don't even know her anymore..."

I just want to to understand myself again. Ever since that night in January, I've felt like I've lost a part of who I am.

My first post on this site.

I have no idea what to write.
Oh well.