I'm waiting.

I'm waiting for everything to fall apart. I know something devastating is going to happen. I can feel it. I'm thrilled that I actually stuck to my plan of leaving California, but it's like there is something I can't seem to let go of. I don't want to go back, but I don't know if I can continue on ignoring the feeling I'm currently having. I thought coming here would help me find who I am. I thought it would help me fill this emptiness I've had inside me for years now. Instead, all it's done is make the emptiness more apparent. I'm not unhappy though. In fact, I'm happier and more comfortable here than I ever have been back home.

So, what do I do?

Stay here, in the best environment I can imagine, with more emptiness than I left with...

...or go back to my boring, unsatisfying life in California?

:/